Have you ever learned something that caught you off guard? You know the kind of news that just stops you in your tracks and makes you take a step back and look at things from a distance? The kind that causes you to reevaluate what's important to you...that forces you to consider how fragile life is?

Last night, absolutely out of the blue, a classmate from elementary school, Jeff, came to mind. He was a boy in my class from private school, that I have not seen, heard from or of, since 3rd or 4th grade. I could not possibly imagine why his name popped into my head, but like anyone else might do, I looked him up on Facebook. Sure enough, there's his picture, the only member with his name, and there's no doubt it's him. It's just a big version of him. I start scrolling down his wall, reading posts, curious to see where he is and what he's up to - it's fun to see how people from our childhood turned out. It didn't take me long to realize that the posts from friends stating that they've been thinking about him, asking him to take care of the rain, telling him the sun was shining for him, and that they missed him carried sorrow. Just a short while down the page I found comments implying that Jeff was gone, that he had died.
I think it always hits us a little harder when someone our own age dies. My heart felt so heavy. I was curious to learn what happened to him. As I kept on through comments and posts and photos I discovered that Jeff had experienced some great things. He was studying Environmental Science in Syracuse. He had spent time in Japan and hiked mountains. He had trained and wore a black belt. He loved nature and had many friends. He was close with his parents - who loved him. Apparently they are keeping up his page as a means to allow friends to keep in touch and to keep his memory alive.
I searched the internet to see if I could find how he had passed away. I found only and obituary that stated he had died unexpectedly last June. Surely this student, friend, world traveler, this son had been in a tragic accident. Or maybe he had fallen suddenly ill, or had a condition that he didn't know about. He had experienced so many things in his 30 years that many of us will never have the opportunity to see.
I sent a message to another classmate from those years and she told me that she had gone with her parents, pastor, and our teacher to the funeral. She said he took his own life. Took his own life. My heart immediately broke for his family. He was studying, traveling, exploring God's world...why would he want to leave it? What must his parents have felt? I simply cannot imagine the pain.
So I sat there, wondering why God put him on my heart last night. He left this earth over a year ago. His family has been dealing with the hurt for as long. Why, on this day, was I looking him up?
Confused, I sat back and let my thoughts go. I began to consider the relationships in my own life. As a wife, a mother, a friend, am I the person I want to be? Do I nurture these relationships, encouraging the people that I love? As a Christian, do I extend the hand of God? Do others feel Him through me? Do I reflect His love, forgiveness, peace? Do my children know Christ through me? Would I know if there was something wrong in the heart of someone I love? Would I be the connection to God's heart they needed in a dark moment? What does it take to be happy? What can satisfy our hearts?
Relationships. With each other, with our families, friends, those we spend our days with. With God. Unless He lives in our hearts, we can never be truly satisfied with our lives. Only He can fill the void we feel when we hide it from the world. If hiking the tallest of mountains we are too short-sighted to realize the existence of an amazing Creator in all His splendor, may we be open to Him in our daily life.

He's Here!

...and has been for almost 3 weeks...

Oliver Edward arrived November 2nd at 11:03pm weighing in at 6 pounds 9 ounces and 19 and a half inches long. He's beautiful and healthy and a sweet-tempered baby. I couldn't love him more!

Almost There!

It's almost baby time :o)
Though my due date is still more than 5 weeks away, we know D Day is fast approaching. I have been on bedrest for the past 2+ weeks and am definitely restless, though of course I'm thrilled that Oliver is staying put. Our goal has been 36 weeks (which Seth didn't quite make it to), and that brings us to November 1st. That's a week from Monday. That's soon. I don't actually want him to come on November 1st. That's my mother-in-law's birthday. In fact, I don't want him to come any day during the first week of November. That would allow for the potential that his birthday could fall on Election Day through the years. Truth is, I think he's coming on October 30th. Puts a damper on my Halloween with the kids for this year, but it's just a hunch this momma has.
Anyhoo...I'm looking forward to settling into our new life as we know it!

Pumpkin Pancakes

Who doesn't love fall? Raise your hand. Useless task, I know, since I can't see your hands and would rather believe that none of you would raise it anyway. Fall is the most amazing season of the year. I suppose it is one of the perks to living where I do...WNY is beautiful in the fall. It may be possible to have a different favorite season in other parts of the (deprived) world. Anyhow - I LOVE the fall. I love the crisp autumn air, the apples (we go pick our own), the fall-scented housewarmers, the pumpkin pie, sweatshirts and bonfires, there's more, hold on. Oh, the pumpkin pie (stay with me here), the pumpkin lattes, the pumpkin bread, the pumpkin donuts, the pumpkin carving, and yes, the pumpkin pancakes. I made some for dinner last night and they were good...with real maple syrup.

Apparently the code for my former background went kaput. I've avoided posting anything because it was stupid-looking to say the least. I tried replacing it a few times with no luck so just stayed away. This morning I tried again and -VOILA - I have a new background. Perhaps a little premature, but anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE the fall and would quite possibly prefer it year round. Maybe I'd get tired of it after while...nah.

It's a...

I had my 18 week sonogram one week ago today. As much as we tried to fanagle, Ron couldn't make it to the appointment with me. He really didn't want us to find out the baby's sex but I was determined to know. It is not in my nature to straight up go against his wishes but did I mention I was determined? I hate the thought of going through an entire pregnancy not knowing what the baby is! SO...I asked the sono tech to figure it out and put the answer in an envelope for me to take home. She agreed. It's amazing what the untrained eye can recognize when the switch is flipped to 4D, however. I thought maybe I could tell myself, in the quick pass she took past baby's "parts." Anyway, I came home with a sealed envelope that Ron refused to open. How rude...
It took until Friday - and he said it was only because I had an inkling - to open the envelope. Sydney was sitting in the room with us not knowing what we were even doing. Ron opened it and showed me. Then he gave the labeled picture to Sydney. A sweet pout quickly turned to all-out sobbing. "I don't want it to be a boy!" she cried. Heartbreaking, really.
So there ya have it...it's a BOY!
:o)

Yesterday we went strawberry picking. Another momma and her 3 little boys went with us and we went for a playground picnic afterward. We had a beautiful day for it and the kids (all 7 of them) behaved really well. When we were first getting ready to head out into the field to pick, the kids had partnered themselves up in pairs - very cute. Sydney took Vincenzo (a 2 year old twin), Shane took Tuscan (the 4 year old big brother), Noah took Matteo (the other twin), and they decided that Seth could be with me and Shannon...

Though it was cute that they took it upon themselves to buddy up, it wasn't until I was uploading pictures late last night that I was struck.

I had brought my camera with intentions of snapping lots of gorgeous sunshiney strawberry pickin' pictures. It was enough work trying to pick berries while constantly scanning the field to be sure all kiddos were in sight. This photo - or portion of a photo - caught my eye. This was after we had gotten into the field and were starting to pick...the kids were just kind of going about their business, but Noah was still holding Matteo's hand.

When we think of the people we want leading us, we make lists of qualifications - must be smart, savvy, strong, experienced, educated...you know the list. Here, Matteo didn't know that Noah hasn't even been to preschool yet. He didn't care that he's barely 4 inches taller and not quite 2 years older. Nor did he realize that Noah has never picked strawberries before. But that didn't matter - Matteo had the faith of a child. God tells us to have faith like a child. These babes don't question our abilities. They trust that we will lead and care for them and keep them safe. Even a child barely older than themselves. How precious, too, that Noah took Matteo by the hand and led him. To where? Who knows what he had in mind - but he was willing, and Matteo trusted.