Have you ever learned something that caught you off guard? You know the kind of news that just stops you in your tracks and makes you take a step back and look at things from a distance? The kind that causes you to reevaluate what's important to you...that forces you to consider how fragile life is?

Last night, absolutely out of the blue, a classmate from elementary school, Jeff, came to mind. He was a boy in my class from private school, that I have not seen, heard from or of, since 3rd or 4th grade. I could not possibly imagine why his name popped into my head, but like anyone else might do, I looked him up on Facebook. Sure enough, there's his picture, the only member with his name, and there's no doubt it's him. It's just a big version of him. I start scrolling down his wall, reading posts, curious to see where he is and what he's up to - it's fun to see how people from our childhood turned out. It didn't take me long to realize that the posts from friends stating that they've been thinking about him, asking him to take care of the rain, telling him the sun was shining for him, and that they missed him carried sorrow. Just a short while down the page I found comments implying that Jeff was gone, that he had died.
I think it always hits us a little harder when someone our own age dies. My heart felt so heavy. I was curious to learn what happened to him. As I kept on through comments and posts and photos I discovered that Jeff had experienced some great things. He was studying Environmental Science in Syracuse. He had spent time in Japan and hiked mountains. He had trained and wore a black belt. He loved nature and had many friends. He was close with his parents - who loved him. Apparently they are keeping up his page as a means to allow friends to keep in touch and to keep his memory alive.
I searched the internet to see if I could find how he had passed away. I found only and obituary that stated he had died unexpectedly last June. Surely this student, friend, world traveler, this son had been in a tragic accident. Or maybe he had fallen suddenly ill, or had a condition that he didn't know about. He had experienced so many things in his 30 years that many of us will never have the opportunity to see.
I sent a message to another classmate from those years and she told me that she had gone with her parents, pastor, and our teacher to the funeral. She said he took his own life. Took his own life. My heart immediately broke for his family. He was studying, traveling, exploring God's world...why would he want to leave it? What must his parents have felt? I simply cannot imagine the pain.
So I sat there, wondering why God put him on my heart last night. He left this earth over a year ago. His family has been dealing with the hurt for as long. Why, on this day, was I looking him up?
Confused, I sat back and let my thoughts go. I began to consider the relationships in my own life. As a wife, a mother, a friend, am I the person I want to be? Do I nurture these relationships, encouraging the people that I love? As a Christian, do I extend the hand of God? Do others feel Him through me? Do I reflect His love, forgiveness, peace? Do my children know Christ through me? Would I know if there was something wrong in the heart of someone I love? Would I be the connection to God's heart they needed in a dark moment? What does it take to be happy? What can satisfy our hearts?
Relationships. With each other, with our families, friends, those we spend our days with. With God. Unless He lives in our hearts, we can never be truly satisfied with our lives. Only He can fill the void we feel when we hide it from the world. If hiking the tallest of mountains we are too short-sighted to realize the existence of an amazing Creator in all His splendor, may we be open to Him in our daily life.